on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
