my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
