can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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