Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize