what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
