atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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