I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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