ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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