could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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