Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
