He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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