loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
