when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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