Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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