I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize