I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
