Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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