It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
