I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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