And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
