belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
