How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
