Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
...so i touched it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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