I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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