Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
