i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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