She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
