Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
