I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
