Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
