I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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