he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I stole a fireplace last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
