if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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