I wish my penis had an off switch
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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