Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
