And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
