:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
