I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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