wakey wakey hands off snakey
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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