I just made out with a guy for $7.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
