I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
