My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He felt like a one man threesome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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