is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
