Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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