Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
