I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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