Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize