My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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