Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
