I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
