So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
