so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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