We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
