I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
