1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
