I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
dude. I can hear the air.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
