I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
