omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
