You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
