a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
