dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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