Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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