tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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