Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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