Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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