the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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