What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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