..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she told me i tasted like america
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
