We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
