with your own penis?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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