I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize