i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
