just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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