Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
