gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
