His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
