Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
