and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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