I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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