How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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