If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
