We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
