I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
