loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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