there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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