The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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