1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
