Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
