I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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