Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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