I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
