I want to stick my p in your. b.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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