I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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