hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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