she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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