I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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