im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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